You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize