I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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