Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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