My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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