peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
