he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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