i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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