worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
