his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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