she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I need a beard to bite.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize
