You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
