oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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