So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
