The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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