ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
where does the pee come out of this thing
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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