Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize