i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
