even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
