It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
