tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize