Your dad touched me again.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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