If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
