I hate your face
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I have post one night stand depression
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