Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Couch. On fire.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
