I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
