I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize