God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
