Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
