well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
