he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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