I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
