I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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