I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
She told me I should be a condom model.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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