Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
