if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
