i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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