Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
