If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
false alarm, still single
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
