Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
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