I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Come see our sink grown plant.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
