somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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