So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
