I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
