She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
