If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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