those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
