If i come over, it means nothing
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
