she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
