I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
