At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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