You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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