i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Found your dick twin last night
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
