What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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