Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
