Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize
