Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
