He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
