I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
