i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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