he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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