is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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