There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
