Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
