Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
