a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Come share oat with me in your robe
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