a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
