I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
