No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
