that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
