it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
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