Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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