Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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