i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
