Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
