just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
