yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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