is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
