Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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