my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
