How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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