Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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