so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
