i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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