my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
