My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
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