Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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