Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize