I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
