dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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