I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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