hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
