I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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