Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
