She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
