my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
my sisters under your porch take her home
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize