Sponge bath it is.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize