I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
