Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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