I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
