WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize