We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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