I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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