I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
