It's chlamydia! Thank God!
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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