It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
