im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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