here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
